I confess. I did the unthinkable today. I went to the MALL, against all my better judgement. I immediately regretted it, and am spanking myself. (ouch) Here are some observations that I took away from the experience:
- 9 out of 10 people parked in handicapped spaces are just lazy.
- A Bluetooth is not a fashion accessory.
- Neither is a gold tooth.
- Unless you live in Atlantic City, a nylon sweatsuit is NOT acceptable attire.
- Those leggings don’t work with your fur-lined parka.
- I really don’t give a shit what Patrick said to you, or what you said back. Neither does anybody else in the checkout line.
- Didn’t I see you an hour ago having the same conversation on your cell?
- XXL is NOT the new size medium.
- I’m just spending $6.00, so, no, I don’t want to open a charge account and save 10%. Thank you, tho.
- When there are more than 3 of you in a row, could you please let me pass?
- PLEASE don’t text and walk.
- PLEASE PLEASE hang up before you start backing out of the parking lot!
- OH NO YOU DID-INT!!! Please get a giftcard for an easy return of that santa sweater!
- No, I already have 17 different flavors of perfume on me–all unsolicited–so I DON”T want to try Brittany’s new scent “skank”.
- Girl, you coulda got that WAAAYYY cheaper at TJMaxx!!
I’d love to hear your observations from holiday shopping trips. I’m sure that no matter where you live, you’ll have some entertaining thoughts to share!
HELL at the mall
Funny stuff…I wish I could have been in mall hell yesterday instead of where I was.
I was stuck at a friends house with the flu. Some people just show up for a holiday visit with a plate of cookies, but I bring something longer lasting and a bit more explosive. Oh..and I had to stay two nights in the guest room before I could drive back out to the burbs.
I hope my visit to see you doesn’t offer you any late surprises. It starts with dizziness…so get in bed if you start feeling woozy.
no, thank god you didn’t leave me that little present to unwrap! hope you’re recovered now. it was great seeing you!