In preparation of our upcoming trip up the East Coast, HK and I are re-equipping the “Pup” for a month-long journey with the 3 pups.

We’ve gone on a few week-long camping trips since our 3-month cross country trip last year, but it’s time to replace a few essentials. Like the spare tire, which was blown, and the outdoor rugs that help keep dirt from continuously being tracked in.

And “The Bucket”. You see, the pop-up doesn’t come equipped with a bathroom. And although most of the campgrounds we stay at have perfectly fine restrooms, there are times that, well, walking across the campground just isn’t that convenient. Like early in the morning or the middle of the night.

You’re may be saying suck it up, sistah, go pee in the woods. Well, easy for you to say, especially if you’re a dude.  I frequently pee in the woods, a rite of passage I learned at my boarding school at Sewanee Academy. it would have been impossible to attend the near-weekly beer parties in the woods had I not mastered that little talent.

But sneaking into the bush at night to bare my ass to the trees has, on more than a couple of occasions, had me hopping back to the safety of our campsite with my pants around my knees after some nocturnal critter invaded my space (or vice-versa.)

At the end of our trip last fall, I bade a relieved farewell to the Original Pee Bucket, an old Margarita tub that I bought at Sam’s Club. It served me well, that bucket did, but now it’s time to buy a new one.

There are several things to look for in a pee bucket. This is no mere bathroom accessory, this IS the bathroom.

For starters, a well-fitting lid is essential, for several reasons. It keeps the odor and flies away. A lid is protection from accidental spillage when the pups get their tie-outs caught on the bucket. And a lid allows you to carry your bucket of pee into the bathroom for discreet disposal.

No need to explain why a handle is necessary.

I have learned, through trial and error, that an opaque bucket is vital. The most recent bucket I bought was not, and I was very self-conscious carrying it across the campground, as no one was mistaking the yellow liquid sloshing around as lemonade.  Even worse, two pajama-clad teenage girls took time off their primping to exclaim “Ewwwww!!!” as I carried my stash into he bathroom stall.

But I like this bucket, so I decided to make it opaque by spray painting it purple. There. isn’t it pretty?? Next I’ll put some fun stickers on it.   Maybe they’ll think it is a toiletry case or something.

Last, but certainly not least, the pee bucket must be a good fit! Too small and you’re cleaning up messes. Too big and it takes up too much room.  I have found that the perfect size is one just large enough for your butt to fit comfortably on the top, like the old-timey Chamber Pot

While “trying on” my pee-bucket in Home Depot, a helpful employee approached me.

“Finding everything OK?”

“Oh, yes, thanks. This will do nicely!”

I did not find it necessary to explain my need for the perfect pee-bucket. He didn’t look like a camper, anyway.

I hope my tips will help some of you in your quest to find your perfect bucket. Please follow us on our journey for even more helpful hints and tales from the road! Oh, and don’t forget to LIKE us on Facebook! Arf!