Mom

Dear Mom,

It has been a week since you left your physical body and transitioned to another life.

Oh how I miss you.  How many times have I picked up the phone to tell you something funny that just happened, a great score I made while shopping, or the movie that just moved me.   I want to call you, but I know you won’t answer. Dad will pick up the phone, and I try, unsuccessfully, to relate to him, the purpose for my call. He doesn’t “get” the thrill of a new pair of boots for 40% off.  That is “our” score. Ours. Yours and mine, what we clink our glasses to at dinner. Score!

I think about you all the time. Even in my deepest sleep. Two nights after you died, in the middle of a dream, you appeared in front of me, and stroked my cheek, twice, as if to tell me “Do Not Cry—I am Good”, and then rose back into the light.

I have so many questions for you. Could you feel our love? Were you at peace? Did you know you were dying? Did you believe that we would all be OK once you passed? What is Heaven like? Have you seen Grandma?

I can tell you this, Momma, that although we had some “Mom and Daughter” battles during my tumultuous teens, I am grateful for the months we were given to share together.  Looking through endless pictures spanning your youth to my adulthood, we commemorated the past, lived in the moment, and speculated on the future. Those moments are forever held in my heart.

You fought a tough battle. And through it all you kept your grace and dignity. You won the hearts of everyone that worked with you, and they all said how your beauty and light filled the room. And your sense of humor remained sharp until the very end. For that I am thankful.

When you realized how sick you were, and that you would never walk again,  I climbed into bed with you and we held each other and cried. We kissed and hugged every day. And “I Love  You’” was a constant reminder of any love unsaid in years passed.  I now have a permanent reminder- a tattoo- to “breathe”, in your honor. In my LOVE for you.

I want to share this video.  I watch it often, and sing it loudly. I sing it to you.

I’m sad. We all are, but at the same time, we’re grateful that you have no more discomfort. I hope you are dancing in heaven.

I love you, Momma. I’ll see you later. Until then, I know your love will continue to shine.