What if i got cancer?

It was a question I asked myself from time to time as an adult, especially after Mom was diagnosed with lung cancer.

What if the tests come back positive? What if the chemo doesn’t work?  What if it’s spread? What if it comes back?

What if, what if, what if…. so damn many what ifs.

Jeff and I needed a break from what has become our “new normal” life. As beautiful a setting as Paradise Village on Banderas Bay is, as much of a dream as it may be for some, we were feeling trapped by the reality of blood tests, results, treatments and doctor visits.

So we planned a getaway on El Gato to one of our favorite bays on the Pacific Coast of Mexico- Tenacatita. We knew a lot of our friends were there, we heard the water was clear and warm, but we knew it would be a remote anchorage hours away from any reliable healthcare. It was, after all, about an 18-20 hour boat ride on El Gato from our safety net of Puerto Vallarta.

But following the first round of chemotherapy, I only felt completely shitty for four or five days after treatment. So we figured we’d have about two good weeks to break the monotony. To get back to living our life, sans the “in your face” reminders that our life is now very, very different.

The night before we were to set off, I made the mistake of logging in to a couple of the Facebook sites dedicated to Triple Negative BC.  Doom and gloom interspersed with horror stories about the dangers of spiking a fever over 100.4 F. Of a cut anywhere on your body. Of a cough, sore throat of stuffy nose. You have to go immediately to the closest emergency room!  IV drips! Days in the hospital! Or worse!

WHAT IF….?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

For Fuck Sake. My spirits were dashed along with our travel plans.

First thing in the morning, I emailed my Oncologist and told her of our original plan and concerns. Within ten minutes I had her reply.

Go. Enjoy yourself and live your life. And Quit Reading!!

Arriving 20 hours later, around mid-morning in Tenacatita, two humpback whales greeted us with a tail wave.  For eight glorious days we socialized with fellow cruisers, friends both old and new. We swam daily in the clear blue water. Morning dog walks with Chance were followed by beach bocce ball and badminton and the famous “Mayor’s Raft Up” on Friday night.

Our tribe and spirits were reinforced.

All too soon, it was time to head back north to our “new” regular routine in Puerto Vallarta.  But we were leaving with renewed energy and the knowledge that sometimes, you just have to move beyond the What Ifs and enjoy the life you’re meant to live.